Gee, what a funky situation. I don't have an easy answer to your question. When I married my ex-husband there was a baby involved. I felt vulnerable. Read back in the posts on 1996-1997, if you haven't already. You'll see that no one but my sister came to my wedding. At the time I was unsure myself, and my friends' refusal to come to my wedding made me really question what I was about to do. But I did it anyway, because I also felt very alone. I guess that means I was going to do what I was going to do, regardless.
Maybe things would have been different if I had known that there is no "point of no return" and that I could have backed out without losing the respect/love of my friends and family.
I can tell you that I have the utmost respect for those friends that said, "no way." It took guts, and I can see and respect that now. Sure, I was hurt at the time, but I got over it. What do your sister's friends think? Sometimes it is easier to listen to friends more so than to relatives--less baggage.
I can also tell you that my sister regrets not only having gone to the wedding, but also regrets not trying to stop it. Not saying she could have, but I think she feels like it would have been worth the risk of me being upset with her. Particularly since my son and I have suffered for almost a decade because of the illegal alien I married. I can ask her for more of what she was feeling and how she feels now, if you'd like. Let me know.
You say your parents are not speaking up; do you mean that they, too, feel something is wrong about this marriage and, while they may say so to you and/or others, they are not saying it to your sister?
Have you said anything at all to her, like suggesting that her fiance obtain his green card on his own so they come to the marriage as equals, etc., etc.?
The most important thing is to let her know you are concerned because you love her, not because you think she's a screw-up, or naive, or because you envy her. In other words, nothing he or anyone else can twist around to make her doubt your sincerity or your good intentions.
Write back, if you wish. If you want her to read this blog, I will delete your comments, if you'd like.
Best of luck,
Shoulda Coulda Woulda
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