From the 11/12/06 NYTimes: Immigration, a Love Story

I think this article from the NYTimes accurately describes the issues with marrying an illegal alien:

November 12, 2006
Immigration, a Love Story

By MIREYA NAVARRO
WHEN Kenneth Harrell Jr., an Assemblies of God minister in South Carolina, invited Gricelda Molina to join his Spanish ministry in 2000, it didn’t take him long to realize he had found the woman he had been waiting for. On the telephone and during romantic strolls they talked about their goals, their commitment to God and how many children each would like to have. Six months flew by, and he asked her to marry him.

“She’s a beautiful woman with a beautiful spirit, very gentle, very sincere,” Mr. Harrell said. But Ms. Molina, a factory worker, was also an undocumented immigrant from Honduras, who had crossed into the United States twice, having once been deported. Mr. Harrell, the pastor of Airport Assembly of God church in West Columbia, said he was not too concerned. “Whatever came, we would walk through this path together,” he said.

Mr. Harrell and Ms. Molina, both 35, married in 2001, in a large wedding attended by family from both sides and blessed by pastors in English and Spanish. But the Harrells no longer live together, not because of divorce, but because Mrs. Harrell, now the mother of two sons and four months pregnant with their third child, has been deported. She had applied for legal residency, or a green card, with her new husband as her sponsor, Mr. Harrell said, but she was sent back to Honduras 20 months ago because of her illegal entries and told she would have to wait 10 years to try again.

“Illegals are pouring over the border,” said Mr. Harrell, who has visited his family five times. “We meet them, we fall in love with them, we marry them. And then the government tears your family apart, and they take no responsibility for letting them in, in the first place.”

Falling in love and marching toward marriage is not always easy, but a particular brand of heartache and hardship can await when one of the partners is in this country illegally. The uncertainty of such a union has only been heightened by the national debate over illegal immigration. Whether the new Democratic leadership in Congress will help people like the Harrells remains to be seen.

It is hard to quantify how many people find themselves in Mr. Harrell’s situation, but with stepped-up enforcement in recent years, deportations have increased, and so have fears of losing a loved one in that way. (There were 168,310 removals in 2005, compared with 108,000 in 2000, immigration officials said.)

And that is only one byproduct of love between two people with such uneven places in society, immigration lawyers say. Many relationships strain under the financial burden of hiring lawyers for what can turn into years of visiting government offices, producing pictures, tax records and other evidence of a legitimate marriage in the quest for legalization. And while instances of immigrants faking love for a green card are in the minority, according to immigration officials, some couples feel pressure to marry before they are ready, hoping that marriage will prevent a loved one’s deportation.

Raul Godinez, an immigration lawyer in Los Angeles, said: “I ask people, ‘How much do you love this person? Because immigration is going to test your marriage.’ If you don’t feel it’s going to be a strong marriage, I wouldn’t do it.”

Many people may still believe that obtaining legal status through marriage is easy, because of periodic reports of marriage scams. In a three-year investigation called Operation Newlywed Game, immigration and customs enforcement agents caught more than 40 suspects in California for allegedly orchestrating sham marriages between hundreds of Chinese or Vietnamese nationals and United States citizens. But such fraud occurs in only a minority of cases, federal officials said.

In reality, immigration lawyers said, marrying a citizen does not automatically entitle the spouse to a green card and is only the first step in a long bureaucratic journey. The lawyers noted that changes in the law in the last five years have made this legalization path increasingly difficult, one worth choosing only if true love is at stake. (Other routes include sponsorship by immediate family members or an employer.)

The Harrells said they had no idea how difficult it could be and were shocked when Mrs. Harrell’s application for permanent residence was turned down, leaving them only 12 days to prepare for her departure. In that time, Mr. Harrell said, they decided that the children, now 4 and 3, would go with her. So Mr. Harrell obtained passports for them, and the church held a farewell service.

“It was very traumatic,” he said. “Our whole world was crashing around us.”

In Yoro, in north central Honduras, where Mrs. Harrell and the children live with her parents, she said the older boy constantly asks for his father, begging, “Let’s go to my papa’s house.” She has coped with her own dejection, too. “I know how much work he has over there,” she said by telephone. “He needs his wife.”

But even in the best of circumstances, when an immigrant enters the country legally, couples may have to rearrange their lives and defer their dreams.

Paola Emery, a jewelry designer, and her husband, Randall Emery, a computer consultant in Philadelphia, said they delayed having children and buying a house for the nearly four years it took the government to complete a background check for Mrs. Emery, who had entered the country from Colombia with a tourist visa and applied for permanent residency after they married in 2002.

Mrs. Emery, 27, said lawyers advised them it was not wise for her to risk trouble by visiting her close-knit family in Colombia and then trying to re-enter this country. She said she was absent through weddings, illnesses and even the kidnapping and rescue of an uncle.

“I felt like I was in jail,” Mrs. Emery said.

Officials with the Citizenship and Immigration Services in the Homeland Security Department say that delays lasting years are rare, but some immigration lawyers say they see clients who wait three to four years for security clearance. Mrs. Emery and her husband, 34, sued Homeland Security over the delays, and she was finally cleared last May. By then Mr. Emery had helped form American Families United, a group of citizens who have sponsored immediate family members for immigration, and which advocates immigration-law change to keep families together.

Immigration Services officials say they are not out to impede love or immigration. Nearly 260,000 spouses of citizens received permanent residency through marriage last year, out of 1.1 million people who became permanent residents, according to the Immigration Services office. “The goal is to give people who are eligible the benefit,” said Marie T. Sebrechts, its spokeswoman in Southern California. She said the agency does not comment on individual cases.

When a legal immigrant is sponsored by an American spouse, she said, the green card can be obtained in as little as six months. But with complications like an illegal entry, laws are not that benevolent, Ms. Sebrechts said. In those cases, the immigrant usually must return to the home country and wait 3 to 10 years to apply for residency, though waivers are sometimes granted.

Such obstacles are far from the minds of couples when they meet. And for some, so is the idea to question whether the beloved feels equally in love with them.

Sharyn T. Sooho, a divorce lawyer and a founder of divorcenet.com, a Web site for divorcing couples, said she has represented American spouses who realized too late that the person they married was more interested in a green card than in living happily ever after. “They feel conflicted, used and abused,” she said. “It’s a quick marriage, and suddenly the person who was so sweet is turning into a nightmare.”

But more often, said Carlina Tapia-Ruano, the president of the American Immigration Lawyers Association, couples marry before they are ready because “there’s fear that if you don’t do this, somebody is going to get deported.”

Krystal Rivera, 18, a college student in Los Angeles, and her boyfriend fall into this group. Ms. Rivera is set on marrying in April 2008, even as she worries that it may put too much pressure on the relationship.

“I never wanted to follow the Hispanic ritual of getting married early,” said Ms. Rivera, a native of Los Angeles whose parents emigrated from Mexico.

She said she fell in love at 13 with a Mexican-born boy who sang in the church choir with her. “He started poking me, and I said ‘Stop it!’ ” she remembered.

Ms. Rivera is still in love with the boy, now 19, who was brought into the country illegally by his mother when he was 12. He goes to college and wants to become a teacher, while she hopes to become a doctor.

But for those plans to work, Ms. Rivera said, she needs to help him legalize his status. She said she has witnessed his frustration as he dealt with employers who didn’t pay what they owed him or struggled to find better jobs than his current one as a line cook. Because of his illegal status, he is unable to get a driver’s license or visit the brothers he left in Mexico. “We want to be normal,” Ms. Rivera said.

The Harrells, too, have decided to take charge. After months of exploring how to reunite the family and spending thousands of dollars on lawyers, Mr. Harrell has decided to leave his small congregation, sell his house and join his wife in Honduras. He will be a missionary for his church for a fraction of the $40,000 a year he makes as a minister.

“I finally said: ‘You know what? I don’t want to spend another Christmas away from my family,” said Mr. Harrell, who plans to move by late December. “We’d still be waiting for the laws to change.”

Copyright 2006 The New York Times Company

Comments

[Jem, aka Shoulda Coulda Woulda]

Yeah, you could start by reading the rest of this blog, from beginning to end, which details my experience being married to an illegal alien.

You may find it helpful.

[Lydia Lopez]

I met this guy at work 1year. We have been dating for 7 months. He came to america 7 years ago illegal. We want to get married is there anything we can do.

[Jem, aka Shoulda Coulda Woulda]

I'm sorry, but I really don't know where you could go.

Best of luck,
Shoulda Coulda Woulda

[Loren]

I too want to marry my fiance of a 1 & 1/2 who snuck over here from mexico,i know how immigration may test us, but we really want the marriage. However, it seems to me that everywhere you may go to have a marriage license a social security is required. Is there any state /county/place that you know of that would marry an illegal alien..? please email me or comment back with any answers please !

[Jem, aka Shoulda Coulda Woulda]

Oh gosh, guys.

If you read my blog from the beginning, you know where I stand.

Best of Luck.

[Jane]

If there is no record of his coming over, you might be able to leave the country and get married abroad, then apply to get back in. But this is fraud, and is not recommendable according to attorneys. My husband and I are in the same position. It is not difficult to get married, by the way, just to keep him here without risk of deportation. A lot of people don't want illegal immigrants staying in this country, but do they want their American spouses to leave or be left alone, potentially with the couple's kids? I have a PhD from an Ivy League university and have to leave for 10 years if I want to be with my husband because he entered illegally, as a minor! We have to wait and hope that Congress will address this issue in our favor-- soon!

[Stephanie]

My boyfrinend is is from Honduras. I met him about a year ago. We have been planning on getting married for almost 3 months now. The only problem is that he snuck across the border and I'm afraid that if we get married that the gouvernment will take him away from me. If you have any advice, I'd love to hear what I could do.