I MARRIED AN ILLEGAL ALIEN!

10.97 Is You Is or Is You Ain't

I hadn't talked to Mrs. Lady in a while, so I give her a call a couple weeks ago to find out what's going on. She says that she was about to call me with great news, namely that Alien has agreed to permanent supervised visitation, and that we no longer have to court. I interrupted her happyhappy joyjoy to ask her to have them put it in writing. I said that I don't want to go have to go through this crap again, when he decides (rather, his parents decide) to change his mind. Mrs. Lady is so pleased Mr. Man wants to settle that she is being a bit lax. She tells me I shouldn't worry, because we know Alien really doesn't want to have anything to do with Nos. I said I didn't care, that I want every "i" dotted and every "t" crossed. After the fiasco in March, I figured it was X-Files time: Trust No One.

She called me back last week to tell me we still have to go to court tomorrow. I figured as much.

10.95 Visitation II

While waiting for a response, I took the liberty of arranging visitation at one of the places which specialize in that sort of thing. I chose a place in town, which is closer to Alien (or, at least, his sister's house), and about 45 miles away from me. I set everything up, and Mrs. Lady passed the information to Mr. Man.

Next thing I knew, I got a call from a visitation place here in my city. Alien had begun the process, and we needed to come in for our intake. I was wary, because I figured there must be some angle to it for him. The fact that this is so damned far from his sister's house and the last place I know he lived, leads me to believe that he lives closer to me now. Hell, he probably lives in my town.

I called them back, and made my appointment for an intake. This was around the first week in April. It went okay. Funny enough--the place offers visitation services for familes affected by domestic violence. I wonder if Alien knows that.

Alien, meanwhile, did not come in for his intake interview until mid-May. Because he cares so much. He also wanted me to pay the $5,000 guardian ad litum fee by myself, instead of splitting it 50/50 as I offered to do. Excuse me, but if I had nothing to hide, I would do everything in my power to make sure the truth came to light. The G.A.L. investigates the situation and interviews the child, among others, to determine the validity of the child's testimony. Why wouldn't Alien want to hire one? Oh, yes, that's right: because he knows he is in the wrong.

We had our first supervised visit May 24, 2005. I decided Tuesday evenings worked best for us, because we do a lot of weekend family trips during the summer, and I saw no reason to cut into those. The visits take place in a large living room area. The monitor sits in the corner, and tries to be unobtrusive, yet available for the child so s/he feels safe. I waited in another room. Everything is set up so Alien and I do not have to see each other.

Nos was trying to talk to Alien about school and sports, but it was difficult. For example, Nos told me Alien asked, "Do the kids be 11 when they have leave?" Nos had no idea what he was saying. I translated: "Honey, he probably was asking if the school goes up to 5th or 6th grade." Nos was quizzing him on American History (I think there was some map or something on the wall), and was amazed Alien didn't know how many states there are and other basic, second grade questions like that. There was so much silence, that the monitor suggested that, next time, Nos just bring a movie to watch with Alien.

I was, as always, carefully neutral.

When we got home, Nos said, "Thank God I only have to do that once a month; it cuts into my plans." I said, "What plans do you have, little boy?" Nos replied, "Oh, you know--personal time."

I love that boy.

10.9 Therapy

Nos and I finally met up with the therapist. He sat and talked with her, while I walked around with the baby. He asked her a lot of questions about the past. What was interesting is that he said it was nice to "have proof" of everything that happened with his father, because he said people never believe memories.

He told her he definitely did not want to see Alien alone, or go off with him, because he was afraid. When she asked why he was afraid, he said it was because he didn't want Alien to take him away to Mars, and he was afraid Alien would "get him" for telling me the things that he said.

Nos enjoyed talking with the therapist, but said he would've liked to have been able to lie down on a couch, like people do in the movies.

I submitted the information to Mrs. Lady, who wrote a motion for permanent supervised visitation.

10.87 Visitation I

Mrs. Lady responded to my email, the gist of which was that she would look into those issues. To date, she has not. She is banking on the fact that Mr. Man told her his client does not have the money nor the inclination to go to trial.

We had to reschedule the therapist to the Thursday after the visit, which was stressful. Nos said that he would be okay if my sister stayed right by him.

On that Sunday, my sister took Nos over to meet Alien. They met in the food court. Contrary to Mr. Man's assertions before the judge, Alien did not have myriad gifts from Christmas and his birthday to give Nos. I could have bet on that, because the only gift Alien ever gave Nos was an age-inappropriate Incredible Hulk doll when Nos was a baby.

Basically, Alien and Nos don't really know each other, so between that and the language barrier, there were long periods of silence. My sister sat there reading a magazine. Nos kept looking at his watch.

The only incident was when Alien asked Nos if he wanted a watch. Nos assumed, because Alien was facing the jewelry store, that Alien was going to get him some fancy gold timepiece. That leads me to this observation: Nos wants stuff. He thinks Alien is yet another person to buy him stuff. It took Nos a long time to understand that Alien was not planning on buying him a $$$ watch.

Interestingly enough, Alien told Nos, "Hey, remember that place where I lived? I have a new apartment now." My sister looked up from her reading and said, "I thought you lived with your sister?!" Alien said, "Yeah...oh, yeah, I live with my sister." Good to know that the INS, the court, our lawyers and I all have no idea where this man lives.

10.85 TCB in a Flash

This is the follow-up email I sent to Mrs. Lady:

From: Shoulda Coulda Woulda
To: Mrs. Lady
Date: Tue Mar 08, 2005 03:15:23 PM
Subject: Follow up of Court Date March 7, 2005

Hi Mrs. Lady,

Now that the shock of yesterday's event has worn off, I have some questions/comments.

First, I was able to contact our therapist, whom Nos and I saw weekly at The Center in _______
from 1999-2001. Consequently, she is extremely familiar with our history with Alien. She agreed to see Nos on Thursday evening to prepare him for his Sunday visitation with Alien.

1a. The therapist recommended that an appointment with the "court clinic" be made for Nos. How does one go about doing that?

1b. When will the G.A.L. be selected, and how will that work? For example, will Nos meet with him/her many times or only once?

2. Is there some code of conduct that could have been cited to prevent Mr. Man from repeatedly referring to me as a "spiteful woman"? He did it at least four times, and so forcefully that it seemed to
really be taken as fact by the court.

3. Alien does not live at [address] in [city, state]. Rather, he lives within easy walking distance of his brother ___________, who lives on [address] in [city, state]. Nos has spent the night at his house, and made the walk to his uncle's house, and he cannot walk far. Therefore, Alien lied about his address to both the court and INS about his residence. This impacts his credibility and underlines the fact that Nos is not safe with him re: being taken, to Mars or otherwise. When Nos goes to his house, we really have no idea where he is. Also, he is breaking the law, because INS does not have his true address, just his mailing address.

4. Alien has always had my addresses ([city]->Philadelphia->post office box in [city] (if wrote to Philadelphia address, I would have received through mail forwarding)). I moved to my present condo in
[city, state] in November 2002. I have always had a listed telephone number, and I have an uncommon surname. It is very easy for one to obtain my address, i.e., I have never hidden from anyone.

5. Why wasn't further examination of Alien's INS situation allowed? After all, we don't know what happened during his last interview, i.e. is his immigration status the same, or was there a problem b/c of his failure of the test, as well as not having been married to me for a sufficient length of time. Can't this record be subpoenaed?

6. Why do we have to wait before we file a claim with the DOR? Aren't claims tied to his social security number, and not to his place of employment? How come the fact that he just got this job and is already switching, as well as his having an erratic and sporadic employment history, was not considered?

7. One of the people he had an affidavit from is a known illegal alien, and the other harbors illegal aliens; doesn't this speak to character?

8. What is the purpose of the pretrial on June 10? Will we revisit the same issues that we did in court yesterday? Does the judge's decision, and denial, carry into the pretrial, or is this starting anew?

9. How long can we go on with visitation in a neutral location, supervised by my sister?

I await your responses.

Respectfully,

Shoulda

10.75 Kinda Boring

I forgot to mention that it helped when Alien asked if he could bring his girlfriend to the visitation. Mr. Man and Mrs. Lady simultaneously said, "No!" Mr. Man said, "I'm sure you don't want anything to distract you from your visit." Alien said, "I just thought it'd be kinda boring."

Mrs. Lady says that that incident was very helpful in terms of showing Mr. Man what kind of man Alien is. I really don't think Mr. Man cares.

10.8 Aftermath

In the car, on the way home, I just bawled. Mrs. Lady kept saying, "I'm so sorry," and talking about how she should have done this and could have done that. The first time she apologized, I mumbled the automatic, "It's not your fault," which made me angry because it partially was her fault. So, the rest of the times she said she was sorry, I just ignored it and talked about something else.

I called my sister and My Man from the car. Both of them were so shocked, because they thought everything would be a-ok in court, because I was in the Right. Well, a crop of cynics was created on that day. Most people my sister told were outraged about this latest turn of events. I was so tired of repeating the whole horrible story; that's when I got the idea to start a blog, so everyone could just logon to get an update on the situation, and I wouldn't have to relive it thirty times in the telling.

10.7 In the Hallway

When we left the courtroom, Alien was grinning and his lawyer was very alpha dog, very self-satisfied. For some reason, Mrs. Lady chose that moment to change into the strong, forceful lawyer she promised me she could be. When Mr. Man came over with his pen out, wanting to arrange when his client could pick up my son Nos, she snapped, "That child is not going one step away from his mother!" Mr. Man looked taken aback. He said, "But the judge just said my client didn't have to do supervised visitation, and-" he was abruptly cut off by Mrs. Lady. She said, "If your client cares so much about his son, why doesn't he just go along with the supervised visitation?" Mr. Man protested. I went over to him, and I said, "You are doing a great disservice to my son." He said, "What did you say to me??" I said, in a loud voice, "You do my son a great disservice. You know that. I know you know that." He just turned away.

Mr. Man must have felt uncomfortable, because he brought Alien to the far corner of the hallway, and talked quietly with him. When he returned to where Mrs. Lady and I were standing, he said Alien agreed to do a few supervised visits. They asked me who could monitor, and I said my sister. I called her to verify, and she agreed. Alien agreed, and so we planned a meeting for the next Sunday at a shopping mall near my sister's house.

10.6 Justice is Blind. And Deaf. And Dumb.

Mrs. Lady stuttered, "But, what about the child? He doesn't want to see the father. He doesn't want to go out with him alone." The judge said, "Make him."

At this point, I burst into tears. I was saying, 'ohno, ohno, ohno" like a lunatic. I said to the judge, "What have you done? What do I say to my son? I told him I would protect him!" The judge told Mrs. Lady to tell me to stop talking. Then she leaned over toward Alien and Mr. Man, and said, "If any of this is true, any little part of it, I hope for your sake and your child's that it never happens again." I call that the Pontius Pilate line.

The judge told us we could take it to trial, if we wished. I said, "yes, I will!" and Mrs. Lady led me over to the court clerk so we could get a trial date. The soonest date was June 10, 2005. Coincidentally, that is the wedding anniversary of my marriage to Alien. How fitting.

10.5 Judge Dredd

The judge was like, "Great, we got that taken care of; now what?" She read the rest of the complaint. She said to Mrs. Lady, "These are some serious allegations, counselor." Mrs. Lady said, "Yes, Your Honor. The child told his mother explicit details of extrememly negative things the father said to him about the mother. The father told the child not to tell, but the child, who has a good relationship with his mother, told her. Now the child is afraid of his father, because he told. We aren't asking for no visitation, just supervised."

Mr. Man said it wasn't true. The judge said to Alien, "So, your son is lying?" Alien said, "I guess so. I don't remember saying those things." Mrs. Lady got a little excited, and said, "You don't remember telling your 7 year old son that his mother poisoned the twins she miscarried?!" Mr. Man said, "You see the depths this spiteful woman will go to? Unbelievable," as he laughed and shook his head.

Mrs. Lady said that she would have a Guardian ad Litem appointed, who is supposedly an impartial child advocate who interviews the child, friends and family to determine the best course of action in disputes involving minor children. The judge said that unfortunately, Mrs. Lady should have filed that motion beforehand, and that she couldn't do it now in this session.

Mrs. Lady tried to press on. She said, "Also, the father has been talking about Mars to the child, telling him and the mother that the child should live there. He had the child look for his Martian passport, in order to give it to him. We are concerned he would try to leave the country with the child." Mr. Man said, "Your Honor, my client is a legal resident of the U.S. He loves this country, and plans to stay here forever." Mrs. Lady said, "Do you have proof of that?" And Mr. Man waved Alien's green card around and said, "Here's your proof."

I wrote to Mrs. Lady: Means nothing. Green card still valid? Results of Dec. 2004 interview?

Mrs. Lady said, "Your Honor, there is some question as to the validity of the father's immigration status. Also, we believe that, as a former illegal immigrant, he has access to --" and the judge cut her off. The judge said coldly, "This man is not on trial, Counselor. He says he is legal, and that's that. I won't have a witchhunt in my courtroom." She then says, "Motion denied." Mrs. Lady asks which motion. The judge says, "All of them. Case dismissed."